5 Tips for Dealing with Grief at Work
I scheduled an endocrinologist appointment in the middle of a workday during our busiest season because, well, that seems to be the only time you can get a specialist to take you. I was expecting news that my dizziness and other symptoms to be linked to diabetes since it ran heavily in my family, but instead, I found out I had a brain tumor that could impact my ability to have children and possibly leave me blind if I didn't get it treated.
In shock from the news, instead of heading home, I went back to work, just like I was scheduled to. I gave my managers and coworkers the news and continued working as if I had just told everyone I had a headache. But over the next few weeks, I was forced to accept help as my speech became impacted by the tumor and I had to start relying on my coworkers more.
This was seven years ago now, and although I've recovered physically, I'll never forget what it was like to go through a health challenge of this scale and keep working at the same time.
Having reflected on the experience and talked with numerous others who've gone through similar challenges, I want to share some tools that can help you when you're dealing with grief at work, whether it's due to your own illness, or the illness/loss of a loved one.
Learn Your Company's Policies
If you've lost someone, check your company's bereavement policy and who is included in that plan. For example, some policies will include 3-5 days for an immediate relative but not for a friend, cousin, pet, etc.
If the time you need off is not covered by bereavement, and you are out of Personal Time Off days, check to see if your company offers mental health days. Another option is to see if shared PTO is available. In this scenario, a coworker can donate PTO hours to a coworker in need.
Speak With Your Manager (And/Or HR)
It is completely up to you if you want to let the rest of your coworkers know what is happening with you, but it is essential to let your manager in. With your manager's support, you can take needed days off work to attend funeral services and re-adjust your workload to accommodate your needs.
If you've received a diagnosis for you or a loved one that will affect your attendance or ability to work in the short, medium, or long-term, it's important that you discuss this with your manager as you get a plan from your doctor.
Give your manager the opportunity to step in and help by being honest and transparent. How managers show up for us during difficult times is what separates the okay managers from the leaders that we love to work for. If they offer you help you didn't ask for, take them up on it. If they are less than supportive, take note of it.
Take the Time You Need
There is plenty of time to take one for the team and be a good soldier, but this is not one of those times. Whether you have suffered a loss or are dealing with difficult news, take the time off you need to deal with your grief.
Spend time with family and friends, set arrangements or appointments, attend a group meeting, or just give yourself needed alone time. This is what days off are all about so don't feel guilty for taking the time off that you need.
Be unapologetic about being unable to respond to emails and calls timely. This is also essential if you manage a team. You are showing the example of how you would like your team to deal with grief and you wouldn't expect them to do work on their days off.
Share With Coworkers You Trust
If you are a private person, don't feel the need to share your loss or difficult news with the entire department or company. But it can be helpful to let some trusted coworkers know what's going on, especially once you've returned from leave.
Although we are eager to be treated the same when we feel wounded it's helpful to have a good coworker in our corner that knows what's going on. They can act as a buffer when things are being piled on you or people want to (unintentionally) pry. Sometimes just a few minutes in a colleague's office when you're feeling overwhelmed by what's going on personally and talking it over will help you get through the day just a little bit easier.
If you work in a competitive environment it's understandable to be nervous about sharing difficult news in fear of losing out on opportunities. In cases like this, keep that information to your manager and a close coworker outside of your department. But you can expect to be a bit off of your game, which is completely understandable. So if you're not comfortable to share details you can let your team know that you are dealing with a personal matter and leave it at that.
Be Kind to Yourself
The days coming back to work after a loss or devastating news can feel like a blur. The sad looks from coworkers and cards on your desk may make you feel grateful but uncomfortable. It's understandable to want everything to go back to normal right away, but please, give yourself some time and some grace. People will want to check on you, emotions will get the best of you, and sometimes you will not feel like you're on your A-game. All of this is okay.
Allow yourself the time to deal with your grief, get space where you need it, and ask for help when everything feels like too much. You can still be an incredible employee and a vulnerable human at the same time. As you find your new normal, forgive yourself if you fall short. Feel your feelings, take breathers, and be just as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else going through what you're going through.
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Diversity Reboot 2021: The One Hundred Day Kickoff
<p><strong>When</strong>: February 1-5, 2021</p><p><strong>Where</strong>: Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Free!</p><p><strong>Where to register: </strong><a href="https://summit.powertofly.com/" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>We had to include our own Diversity Reboot on our list of the best diversity and inclusion events to attend in 2021 because we know firsthand how the quality of 100+ expert speakers, the enthusiasm of 10,000 participants, and the cutting-edge tech that enables meaningful virtual networking and job fairs combine to create a truly epic five-day experience. This year, the theme 100 Day Kickoff harnesses the energy of the new government's first 100 days in office to help jump-start personal and professional plans to build more diverse and inclusive workplaces. </p><p>Following the February summit, we'll have a monthly series of smaller virtual summits on topics spanning everything from returnships to LGBTQ+ advocacy, so be sure to stay tuned for updates!<br></p>The Future of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion 2021
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<p><strong>When</strong>: March 8-12, 2021</p><p><strong>Where</strong>: Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register: </strong>$820</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://cvent.me/ZQ4BbE" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>The Forum on Workplace Inclusion's 33rd annual conference includes 12 session tracks, from DEI Strategy to Social Responsibility, along with 59 workshops and daily networking sessions. This year's theme focuses on one question: "What will it take to start a workplace revolution that moves us from talk to action?"</p>Diversity: How Employers Can Match Words With Deeds
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<p><strong>When:</strong> August 18, 2021</p><p><strong>Where: </strong>Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register: </strong>$195</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://www.hci.org/conferences/2021-virtual-conference-hire-diversity-equity-and-inclusion-august-18-2021" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>This conference put on by the Human Capital Institute is one of 12 virtual conferences that HCI has planned for 2021. This one focuses on fair and inclusive talent acquisition, including how to attract diverse talent, implement inclusive hiring practices, and addressing bias in employee selection. Other conferences will focus on optimizing talent strategy, engaging employees, and developing your workforce.</p>Virtual Grace Hopper Celebration 2021
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<p><strong>When:</strong> October 25-27, 2021</p><p><strong>Where:</strong> Virtual and in person in Austin, Texas as of now</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Hasn't yet been announced</p><p><strong>Where to register: </strong><a href="https://conferences.shrm.org/inclusion" target="_blank">Here</a>, though 2021 registration wasn't live at the time of writing</p><p>The Society for Human Resource Management's biggest conference of the year saw 1,200 DEI leaders participate last year; SHRM hopes to see even more come to learn, be inspired, and to walk away with a playbook of implementable strategies to create truly inclusive workplace cultures.</p>AfroTech 2021
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