What Work-Life Harmony Looks Like as a Mom and a Manager During This Pandemic
7 Tips from SoftwareONE's Khristy Young
Khristy Young is used to working hard.
She came to the U.S. from the Philippines at 19, computer science degree in hand, and landed her first job in tech, working in frontline support, at 21.
"I realized that for them to see past me being an immigrant and a woman, I had to be very competent. It sucks to say, but felt like I always had something to prove. Eventually, instead of worrying about what other people thought, I decided to show them what I could do," she explains. She dealt with coworkers who didn't listen to her and generally underestimated her, but she kept working to prove herself.
Khristy spent almost a decade at that company, eventually climbing the ranks into a coveted developer role, but left after her manager wouldn't give her a chance to become a team lead. "I realized I'd outgrown that job, and leaving it was almost like dating. I hadn't dated for nine years, and then all of a sudden I had to go out in the world again," she says.
A few months later, an old coworker suggested she join him at SoftwareONE, a leading provider of software and cloud solutions, including and especially Microsoft products. She came over and had to work to prove herself again, especially as her role was something new to her: consulting as a Microsoft partner. "I saw it as a gift. I'd never done that before, and I had the chance to learn it," says Khristy.
Once she got up to speed, she knew she'd made the right decision. Several years in, she's currently working as the Practice Director of their Future Workplace team with about 15 people—who she affectionately calls her "techies running around North America"—reporting to her as they advise clients on transitioning to the cloud and enable the technologies that allow for that. "One thing I like about SoftwareONE is that they recognize talent and diligence," she says. "Competencies speak more than words. So working for a company that appreciates self-starters is working really well for me."
But what do you do when competency isn't enough?
Khristy has been running up against that question for the first time in her career thanks to the pandemic. As SoftwareONE's cloud-based business is booming, she's found herself stretched thin, expected to run her team, take care of her two children, spend time with her partner, and not lose her mind along the way.
We sat down with Khristy this week to get her honest advice on what works and what doesn't when it comes to finding work-life harmony during a pandemic.
1. Learning to say no: the rule of three
Khristy's first piece of advice is something she's only just recently learned. "I have historically been a 'yes' person. People say I'm an overachiever," she explains. "I say yes to things when I shouldn't. But when the pandemic happened, it forced me to prioritize what's important."
Yes, that includes wellbeing and family and health, but Khristy is talking specifically about professional prioritization. "People don't realize we spend most of our time at work. I want people to value my time instead of just throwing stuff over the fence to me," she says.
To do that, she's adopted a hard and fast rule: she only focuses on three things at a time, and she says no to everything else.
Those three things could be updating her budget, checking in on team morale, and building next year's strategic plan, or any other set of priorities. The key is in keeping them limited to just three. "A friend told me that if you have more than three priorities, you're not really prioritizing anything. Ignoring something can take just as much energy as focusing on something, so you're better off saying no. I'm finding that's true. If I can meet those three, then I can make room for more," says Khristy.
2. Stay just the right amount of informed
Some people have been going on media diets during the pandemic, paring down the amount of news they consume each day. Not Khristy. She's found that staying informed through trustworthy channels, as in certain news and science outlets instead of social media, is allowing her to keep focused on why we're all making sacrifices.
"It puts into perspective why we're doing this, why we're in this situation, why we can't go out," she says. "It reminds you that things are not as bad as you think when you see the amount of people that are dying."
She keeps that perspective for herself—her kids are happy, healthy, and actually enjoying remote learning—and for her team, who are all employed (Khristy retooled her budget to avoid layoffs) and safe at home with their families.
3. Cater to you
"To find that balance between teacher, mom, and employee in the same place and with the same hours allocated is really hard," says Khristy.
"Being a mother, it's a very thankless job, and it's natural for us to cater to our kids, who are now always home. And then you also may have to cater to your partner, your husband, your boyfriend, whoever it may be. And we forget to cater to ourselves," she says. "That's when you get to that burnout factor, that pressing state of, 'Oh, God, I'm just exhausted.'"
Khristy suggests finding one activity, any activity—"It could be scrapbooking, it could be going to Target, it could be paint by numbers or yoga," she says—that is just for you. Something you can do alone and use as a bit of a retreat. "[Alone time] really resets my mind a little bit," says Khristy.
4. Take actual time off
Khristy knows what you're thinking: where are you going to go?
But just because you can't travel doesn't mean time off isn't worth it. Khristy says she used to travel up to two weeks each month for work and go on at least one fun trip around California or nearby states every few weeks pre-pandemic, but now she's learning how to take a different type of PTO.
"To be quite honest, even if you're just having those days where you're sitting on the couch and watching Netflix, taking time off really helps with a mental break," she says.
5. Draw new boundaries
Khristy's cue to turn off her work brain used to be the sound of her partner opening the door after his work day. But now that everyone works from home, that boundary has disappeared. "My compass is all messed up!" laughs Khristy.
Instead, she's learned to set new boundaries on her time and how she spends it. First, Khristy has committed to only working in her office. "When I'm there, I work. Anything outside [of that space] is life," she says.
And for timing, she's made a new version of that dinnertime rule, setting it at a specific time versus waiting for her partner. When that time rolls around, she leaves her office and doesn't return until the next morning. In between, she hangs out with her kids and enjoys the new rituals they've set up to make pandemic life more fun, including Taco Tuesdays and Saturday movie nights.
6. Stay connected
Months into the pandemic, Khristy realized she was struggling to stay focused. To combat that, she reached out to her peers.
"If I feel like I'm not on an island by myself—if I know that there is purpose to what I'm doing, that it's moving the bigger needle somewhere—I feel like my time is worth something," she says. "Keeping in contact with peers across the business in all different verticals has helped with that."
Khristy stays in touch with catch-up calls and teamwide happy hours, which are focused on entirely random topics. "Last Friday we talked about cats and cat lady syndrome," she says, smiling. "It uplifts the team and reminds us that we're all fine. We ask how everyone is doing and we say, 'We're COVID good.'"
7. Remember that work is just work
"The saving grace," says Khristy of what keeps her able to balance her work and her family, "is remembering what I'm doing this for. In the end, I'm working for my family, to give them a better life. That's really the only reason."
Keeping that focus in mind allows Khristy to live within the work-life boundaries she's set up for herself, and she suggests others figure out what's driving them and rigorously protect that goal.
"Some people leverage work to get them out of their lives. I don't have that," says Khristy. "My life is really good outside of work. Knowing that I don't want to miss the moments that actually matter keeps me from spending too much time on work."
If you're looking to join Khristy in finding work-life harmony at SoftwareONE, check out their open roles.
8 (Virtual) Diversity Conferences to Attend in 2021
Diversity Reboot 2021: The One Hundred Day Kickoff
<p><strong>When</strong>: February 1-5, 2021</p><p><strong>Where</strong>: Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Free!</p><p><strong>Where to register: </strong><a href="https://summit.powertofly.com/" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>We had to include our own Diversity Reboot on our list of the best diversity and inclusion events to attend in 2021 because we know firsthand how the quality of 100+ expert speakers, the enthusiasm of 10,000 participants, and the cutting-edge tech that enables meaningful virtual networking and job fairs combine to create a truly epic five-day experience. This year, the theme 100 Day Kickoff harnesses the energy of the new government's first 100 days in office to help jump-start personal and professional plans to build more diverse and inclusive workplaces. </p><p>Following the February summit, we'll have a monthly series of smaller virtual summits on topics spanning everything from returnships to LGBTQ+ advocacy, so be sure to stay tuned for updates!<br></p>The Future of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion 2021
<p><strong>When</strong>: February 3-4, 2021</p><p><strong>Where</strong>: Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Free</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://www.hr.com/en/webcasts_events/virtual_events/upcoming_virtual_events/the-future-of-diversity-equity-and-inclusion-2021_kcxf8glq.html#detail" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>This virtual conference put on by HR.com focuses on how social movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter have pushed DEI at work beyond legal compliance and into a major factor of any company or brand's culture, employee engagement, and performance. Topics include how to uncover and resolve pay gaps across your team and hire top-level diverse talent.</p>Workplace Revolution: From Talk to Collective Action
<p><strong>When</strong>: March 8-12, 2021</p><p><strong>Where</strong>: Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register: </strong>$820</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://cvent.me/ZQ4BbE" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>The Forum on Workplace Inclusion's 33rd annual conference includes 12 session tracks, from DEI Strategy to Social Responsibility, along with 59 workshops and daily networking sessions. This year's theme focuses on one question: "What will it take to start a workplace revolution that moves us from talk to action?"</p>Diversity: How Employers Can Match Words With Deeds
<p><strong>When</strong><strong>: </strong>May 19, 2021</p><p><strong>Where:</strong> Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register</strong><strong>: </strong>Early bird registration is $49 and general admission is $149</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://hopin.com/events/may-virtual-conference-diversity-how-employers-can-match-words-with-deeds" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Here</a></p><p>From Day One is hosting monthly conferences in 2021 focused on different ways for companies to foster strong relationships with their customers, communities, and employees. May's half-day virtual event is focused specifically on how companies can make diversity promises that don't fall flat and features workshops, panels, and a fireside chat.</p>Hire with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion
<p><strong>When:</strong> August 18, 2021</p><p><strong>Where: </strong>Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register: </strong>$195</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://www.hci.org/conferences/2021-virtual-conference-hire-diversity-equity-and-inclusion-august-18-2021" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>This conference put on by the Human Capital Institute is one of 12 virtual conferences that HCI has planned for 2021. This one focuses on fair and inclusive talent acquisition, including how to attract diverse talent, implement inclusive hiring practices, and addressing bias in employee selection. Other conferences will focus on optimizing talent strategy, engaging employees, and developing your workforce.</p>Virtual Grace Hopper Celebration 2021
<p><strong>When:</strong> September 26-29, 2021</p><p><strong>Where:</strong> Virtual, broadcast from Chicago, Illinois</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Was $799 for regular access to the virtual conference in 2020; 2021 pricing hasn't yet been announced</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://ghc.anitab.org/attend/registration/" target="_blank">Here</a>, though 2021 registration wasn't live at the time of writing</p><p>Grace Hopper might be the best-known conference for women in tech. Through keynote presentations, networking sessions, job fairs, and community-building activities, vGHC reached over 30,000 women for their 2020 conference and are expecting even more in 2021! While not a conference focused exclusively on diversity and inclusion, many speakers plan to focus their talks on creating environments for women to thrive in the male-dominated tech field.</p>Inclusion 2021
<p><strong>When:</strong> October 25-27, 2021</p><p><strong>Where:</strong> Virtual and in person in Austin, Texas as of now</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Hasn't yet been announced</p><p><strong>Where to register: </strong><a href="https://conferences.shrm.org/inclusion" target="_blank">Here</a>, though 2021 registration wasn't live at the time of writing</p><p>The Society for Human Resource Management's biggest conference of the year saw 1,200 DEI leaders participate last year; SHRM hopes to see even more come to learn, be inspired, and to walk away with a playbook of implementable strategies to create truly inclusive workplace cultures.</p>AfroTech 2021
<p><strong></strong><strong>When:</strong> November 8-13, 2021</p><p><strong>Where:</strong> Virtual</p><p><strong>Price to register:</strong> Early bird pricing is $149 for individuals and $249 for corporate attendees; regular pricing hasn't yet been announced</p><p><strong>Where to register:</strong> <a href="https://experience.afrotech.com/" target="_blank">Here</a></p><p>AfroTech is a conference hosted by Blavity, a tech media platform for Black millennials. It focuses on emerging tech trends, connecting Black talent with top tech recruiters, and providing networking and educational opportunities, with an overall goal of building a strong Black tech community. Over 10,000 people participated in 2020. While the conference isn't focused specifically on DEI, its main audience of Black tech talent is an important one to understand and to engage at work and beyond, and several speakers plan to focus on issues of race and inclusion at work. </p>Finding Her Sport: Being Part of the Team in a Startup Environment
A Conversation with Vouch's Lead Designer Carrie Phillips
Tips to Prepare for Your Interview at SoftwareONE
Nina Unger, Talent Acquisition Specialist at SoftwareONE gave us a behind-the-scenes look at SoftwareONE's Application process, culture, and values.
Learn about the company and how you can make your application stand out!
To learn more about SoftwareONE and their open roles, click here.
12 Tips for Setting Better Goals
We asked 30+ women how you can make 2021 your best year yet.
Resolutions are one thing. Goals are another.
How do you move from vaguely hopeful statements about what 2021 will mean for you personally and professionally to thoughtful plans that are likely to come to fruition?